Expectations, Leadership, and Beyond: A Few Thoughts
BY KITTY L. & BENNY L. | SHIROOKAMI - DOGS.UNITE | 08.17.2022
Expectations: what we of others believe should happen or want to happen
Expectations. We all have them, and we all have them placed upon us. Deriving from past experiences, tradition, societal norms, or personal desires, they can be explicit, but are most often implicit. They can keep ourselves in check or act as guidelines.
At the same time, life’s expectations can become our very own limitations, especially when the idea of expectations and goals are confused. Holding onto expectations tightly rigidifies our way of thinking and turns us away from doors that would otherwise be open. Knowing what sets these ideas apart could mean the difference between frustration and fulfillment in many aspects of our lives. Understanding what exactly expectations are, how to recognize when we are limited, and how to overcome these limitations can help us be more productive, lead more effectively, and bring about positive change as we learn to better appreciate the people in our lives, including ourselves.
Although “goals” and “expectations” are often used interchangeably, they are distinct ideas that can be distinguished from one another by the element of motivation. Whereas a goal demands a set of actions to achieve a desired result, an expectation stems from assumed norms as outcomes, not necessarily originating from the person tasked to fulfill the expectation. This is because expectations work well in the short term or for maintaining a base level of satisfaction within a team or community – think reasonable expectation of safety from harm or meeting a quota. Achieving a goal is driven by the aspiration to do something, which is usually beyond the status quo, while fulfilling an expectation is motivated by the fear of failing to make that very expectation a reality, to maintain the status quo. As expectations expand and are applied to more people, they have the tendency to evolve from societal guidelines into cages for every one of us.
Therefore, it is important that we are cognizant of when we work hard at reaching our goals, versus being limited by life’s expectations? Ironically, those who are gifted at fulfilling expectations often realize later on that they are not so gifted at fulfilling their own lives. Since expectations enforce norms or constrain decisions into a path, they inherently ignore the variable and stochastic nature of life. As time moves forward, things and people change. When stretched over time, expectations collapse into feelings of disappointment and failure as the people who try to meet them grow out of them. A telltale sign is that there is fear tied to not doing or becoming something, often leading people into dark places.
Are you burnt out in a program of study, jumping through hoop after hoop for many years and compromising your personal goals for the sake of following a prefabricated trajectory? Do you feel dissatisfied with your partner because she or he isn’t what you wanted or imagined they should be? Ask how much of yourself was given up becoming that which was expected of you, or how much do others give up satisfying you. To what extent are any of these expectations being imposed on you, or something you impose on others?
Particularly for leaders, expectations can be a double-edge sword. Do you as a leader have so many high expectations that followers lose motivation as they live in constant fear or stress of failing to meet your demands? Setting realistic expectations brings followers and team members on the same page and increases performance and accountability. However, as a leader, limiting one’s self to rigid expectations can hamper the overall potential of the team, decreasing motivation, the groundwork for personal goal-setting and development.
The good news is that these limitations can be overcome in a productive and exciting way. Those who fail to meet expectations are the first to know, because those who exist outside of a cage, or have lost their guide, can finally set their own goals. Though typically a time of pain and confusion, the moment one feels lost in life is the moment there is space and freedom to aspire and create goals.
Replace life’s expectations of yourself and others, with the goals you set for your own life. Don’t be afraid to take risks, to change your career path or focus your time on commitments outside of a program when the time is right, and craft a goal to achieve your idea of success. Accept your partner for who she or he is and move past what you think you’re not getting by creating goals to grow together in trust, compassion, and understanding.
For leaders, rather than expecting your subordinates to meet demands, devise a plan of personal development and expose teammates to new experiences. Encourage innovation and contribution from team members. Allow a respectful two-way communication for constructive criticism, and make sure your team members feel seen and heard. Simply being aware of the limitations of expectations and acting accordingly allows a leader to mitigate any negative impacts, maximizing the team’s ability to adapt to new challenges. Ultimately, a culture of common goal-setting is established, just as in any partnership between two or more people.
The best part of all is that, unlike failed expectations, there will always be other goals to make if you can’t achieve them all. When life’s expectations become limitations, make it your goal to break through them!